SOUL. Changing Your Internal Narrative.
I learn so much from my patients. Just today, a patient was discussing with me that his morning goes two ways: 1) stretching for two hours in the morning to tackle his plantar’s fasciitis, or 2) does not stretch at all. He feels really, really great when he stretches. But can’t bring himself to do it everyday. When a patient arrives with a desire to change [insert habit here], I see a familiar swinging cycle of getting stuck in a pattern of I’M DOING IT! to I’M DOING NOTHING. And while "falling off the bandwagon” is a normal process of change (see MIND article), this pattern is a bit more of emotional and psychological puzzle.
I resonated with hearing the quote from author Jim, Kwik, below:
“A lot of people know what to do, but they don’t do what they know. It’s often a problem of mindset, or motivation.”
In my clinical observation, the problem of mindset is usually due to self-sabotage or perfectionism.
For those who self-sabotage, they may not be used to having things go well for them - it’s new, and a bit uncomfortable. How to soothe that discomfort? Go back to what is known - the very poor habits that are trying to be broken. It seems akin to when I have a fatigued, anxious, hyper-productive patient say, “I feel more stressed and anxious when I am not doing anything.” Relaxing and resting does not feel safe or normal, even though ironically it is the very thing needed. Because it is not something that has been experienced, it takes sitting in that discomfort to normalize it. For those who may be accustomed to self-sabotage, I think it’s worth looking at: have you ever rooted for yourself to win?
For those who have a perfectionist mindset, the barrier to entry for perfect change can be daunting. In the example above with the stretching patient: two hours, or nothing at all. We discussed the concept of satisfactory vs. perfection. Even if ten minutes is what he can accomplish that morning, that’s satisfactory. While not perfect, it’s enough. Building momentum for sustainable change is better than a crash course in extremes - invite satisfaction with whatever you are able to do vs. expectation of perfection.
The problem of motivation may just need to be getting very clear on the why behind the change. Sometimes the why may not be big or clear enough at that moment in time. For example, for my patients aiming to quit smoking, I always put on their plan three blank lines with the title: What is your WHY. I have heard: to change the pattern from my parents, to bring my blood pressure down, to set a good example for my kids. Sometimes the why can be a terrifying experience that scares them into change - a surprise trip to the ER can be good motivation for a lot of people.
If you find yourself to be one of the all or nothing mentality, I invite you to do a little check-in: are you expecting perfection? Are you rooting for yourself? Are you clear on an important why?
